Pain lingers as my fingers wane,
vain attempts to grasp the incomprehensible
consequentially
I’m left with nothing but paper and a pen to leak ink
seeping in as I think deeply
I’m left baffled by destiny’s grapple hold on my life.
Comprehension isn’t the only thing that’s out of my hands.
Thousands of man’s greatest thinkers and teachers today, are left speechless.
Each is but a fleeting thought
Leaving what?
Without revelation, just a bunch of hot air
It’s not fair!
Nobody ever said it was supposed to….
be….
How would you react if I told you…
I want to hold you…
close….
to…
me….?
I’m a goldfish trying to understand keenly
the ways of the man that bears the hand that feeds me.
Perhaps contemplation is as futile
as actually having conversation with a new child.
Shall I just swallow the food I’m given and wallow in my ignorance?
Meddle in bliss?
Incredible, it’s this slight comprehension
that’s got my mind’s suspension in flight.
soaring to new heights
And I knew right from the start that following the spark of light wouldn’t necessarily be easing.
Especially when weighted down by this unbearable grieving.
It’s like I feel your pain,
your spirit and mine intermeshed and
all I can do is cry,
try to make intercession
I want to carry your sorrows.
I’m unable with the way the variants are, though.
Sincerity borrowed,
what I snatched up in an effort to grasp.
I laugh at how now I’m an expert in past but can barely see tomorrow….
I’ll do it again,
regrets and retrospect are just “I knew it,” when
it always seems too late when lacking application of wisdom,
but that’s just how you do, huh, Fate?
“If only…”
It’s done.
So I release it and find peace with me
Me is the least I can be
so I’ll try to do it decently
Easily said,
yet much harder to apply to life
which is actually part of why I write.
Maturity.
But….
You’re….
in me….
I gaze into a clouded mirror,
amazed at how it’s clearer in appearance,
Sometimes perseverance may seem to hurt the spirit
but what doesn’t kill me only strengthens me.
At this rate, eventually
I should be a Super Man.
Comprehension tells me that I already am.
At this rate,
I could probably write until my pen is inkless,
walking around thinking until my words are….
Thoughtless?
Not me!
Yet often I copy the very concepts I despise.
The very life that lead to my demise.
I regret taking you for granted.
I regret not appreciating what was handed to me,
and yet, turning back the clock is but a fantasy
I’m bothered that I was blind to the obvious,
what any man could see.
I regret not taking the time nor making the effort,
and now regrets linger and fester in retrospect.
I regret not loving something I dearly loved
nearly enough
I even regret acting like I didn’t care
as I eerily shrugged.
I regret tying to hide my true feelings,
which, perhaps you know, still it’s just
not the same
I complain now, and think I must’ve been insane how
I didn’t think you were worth the challenge.
I regret my outer displays of disinterest,
not saying things that burned inside me.
I can’t turn back the clock,
and I know it, yet
if given the chance to live it twice,
I’d live my life with no regrets.
At my house, stretched on my bed with a sense of hopelessness,
depressed with homesickness,
intensely focusing on my heart’s desire -
the fire was sparked inside of me as a child,
and resided there, burning slowly for a while
until I had a bit of a catalyst -
at that point, the flame spread rapidly,
giving life to this dead cavity
inhabiting this jar,
revealing truth to me gradually.
Hard to imagine what happened to me
as an infant actually changed my entire life in an instant;
I tried to fight & resist it,
but it proved to be for naught -
and in retrospect,
I don’t even know why I fought -
trying to recollect -
get back inside my thoughts
the Messiah would talk,
but in my ignorance, I never listened.
I could care less about being a better Christian
I guess I was hurting internally,
so He sent a physician.
My soul was wretched,
a home infested with death,
an old, decrepit vessel -
spotted a leopard & left it in my image.
Questioning my living
trying to find where I was headed -
a truth best if it’s left hidden.
Received the revelation
that the path would lead to devastation
headed straight to a place that I dreamt my pen would take me
and it did -
now I’m fortunate that that’s as close as I’ll get
focusing in
on a life not even Moses could live
I find my stance on the banks of the River of Life & catch a glance at my soul’s reflection -
no mention of marks once believed indelible -
felt like taking a dip,
climbed the new tree I eat from & fell into the waters -
overwhelming,
but I could care less………..
I’M HOME!
@RVAREgirl Lahmacun on the left. Minced meats mixed with spices, tomatoes, spread on the bread and baked, then topped with some veggies, sometimes extra meat if requested, and rolled up. My favorite in the world!
(Source: takeshi-thoughts)