Complex Simplicity

7.1.00

Pain lingers as my fingers wane,

vain attempts to grasp the incomprehensible

consequentially

I’m left with nothing but paper and a pen to leak ink

seeping in as I think deeply

I’m left baffled by destiny’s grapple hold on my life.

Comprehension isn’t the only thing that’s out of my hands.

Thousands of man’s greatest thinkers and teachers today, are left speechless.

Each is but a fleeting thought

Leaving what?

Without revelation, just a bunch of hot air

It’s not fair!

Nobody ever said it was supposed to….

be….

How would you react if I told you…

I want to hold you…

close….

to…

me….?

I’m a goldfish trying to understand keenly

the ways of the man that bears the hand that feeds me.

Perhaps contemplation is as futile

as actually having conversation with a new child.

Shall I just swallow the food I’m given and wallow in my ignorance?

Meddle in bliss?

Incredible, it’s this slight comprehension

that’s got my mind’s suspension in flight.

soaring to new heights

And I knew right from the start that following the spark of light wouldn’t necessarily be easing.

Especially when weighted down by this unbearable grieving.

It’s like I feel your pain,

your spirit and mine intermeshed and

all I can do is cry,

try to make intercession

I want to carry your sorrows.

I’m unable with the way the variants are, though.

Sincerity borrowed,

what I snatched up in an effort to grasp.

I laugh at how now I’m an expert in past but can barely see tomorrow….

I’ll do it again,

regrets and retrospect are just “I knew it,” when

it always seems too late when lacking application of wisdom,

but that’s just how you do, huh, Fate?

“If only…”

It’s done.

So I release it and find peace with me

Me is the least I can be

so I’ll try to do it decently

Easily said,

yet much harder to apply to life

which is actually part of why I write.

Maturity.

But….

You’re….

in me….

I gaze into a clouded mirror,

amazed at how it’s clearer in appearance,

Sometimes perseverance may seem to hurt the spirit

but what doesn’t kill me only strengthens me.

At this rate, eventually

I should be a Super Man.

Comprehension tells me that I already am.

At this rate,

I could probably write until my pen is inkless,

walking around thinking until my words are….

Thoughtless?

Not me!

Yet often I copy the very concepts I despise.

The very life that lead to my demise.

Regrets

I regret taking you for granted.

I regret not appreciating what was handed to me,

and yet, turning back the clock is but a fantasy

I’m bothered that I was blind to the obvious,

what any man could see.

I regret not taking the time nor making the effort,

and now regrets linger and fester in retrospect.

I regret not loving something I dearly loved

nearly enough

I even regret acting like I didn’t care

as I eerily shrugged.

I regret tying to hide my true feelings,

which, perhaps you know, still it’s just

not the same

I complain now, and think I must’ve been insane how

I didn’t think you were worth the challenge.

I regret my outer displays of disinterest,

not saying things that burned inside me.

I can’t turn back the clock,

and I know it, yet

if given the chance to live it twice,

I’d live my life with no regrets.

Homecoming

At my house, stretched on my bed with a sense of hopelessness,

depressed with homesickness,

intensely focusing on my heart’s desire -

the fire was sparked inside of me as a child,

and resided there, burning slowly for a while

until I had a bit of a catalyst -

at that point, the flame spread rapidly,

giving life to this dead cavity

inhabiting this jar,

revealing truth to me gradually.

Hard to imagine what happened to me

as an infant actually changed my entire life in an instant;

I tried to fight & resist it,

but it proved to be for naught -

and in retrospect,

I don’t even know why I fought -

trying to recollect -

get back inside my thoughts

the Messiah would talk,

but in my ignorance, I never listened.

I could care less about being a better Christian

I guess I was hurting internally,

so He sent a physician.

My soul was wretched,

a home infested with death,

an old, decrepit vessel - 

spotted a leopard & left it in my image.

Questioning my living

trying to find where I was headed -

a truth best if it’s left hidden.

Received the revelation

that the path would lead to devastation

headed straight to a place that I dreamt my pen would take me

and it did -

now I’m fortunate that that’s as close as I’ll get

focusing in

on a life not even Moses could live

I find my stance on the banks of the River of Life & catch a glance at my soul’s reflection -

no mention of marks once believed indelible -

felt like taking a dip,

climbed the new tree I eat from & fell into the waters -

overwhelming,

but I could care less………..

I’M HOME!